We've moved...again.

OK, not to seem too flaky or anything, but... that last post about moving to thunderdog.com? Yeah, that didn't work out so well for us, for reasons too boring to get into here. Regardless, we've now gone the copyright-be-damned route and moved to JimmyOlsensBlues.com, just to have a little more control over what we do there. Update your links, please!

And we even have our first bit of DIY Humor going on over there -- tell us who you think the new mayor of New York in the Marvel U should be!

Perry White Has Spoken!

And so, Jimmy Olsen and his Blues made their way to the welcoming arms of Thunderdog.com. Same nerds. Same archives. New manifesto. (Honestly, the manifesto's what sold us on the place.)

Join us, won't you?

Check This Out - Punisher: Little Black Book

Novelists don't always make a graceful transition to the comic/graphic novel form, but veteran crime author Victor Gischler makes the jump look easy, delivering this solid one-shot and whetting our appetites for his upcoming Punisher MAX arc. Avoiding rookie struggles for the most part, he seems natural at giving the artist something to draw, and displays a firm grasp of the tight space he's got for his plot.

It's surprising just how tidy Little Black Book is. Gischler doesn't stray into overambition, steering clear of the "Analyzing Frank" moments better suited for longer stories and not wasting time engineering some big plot twist or double-cross that he'd run out of space trying to unleash. By simply playing to the writer's strengths, there's just enough going on to introduce the players, set up Frank's plan, establish the villainy of the villain and give the audience several money shots of the Punisher punishing without feeling rushed and without momentum-sucking exposition.

Jefte Palo's art meshes well with the economic script--plenty of shadows and sexy, with mood to spare. I'm not sure if he's slated to handle the art for Gischler's upcoming turn with the main title, but he does seem suited and Marvel could do worse than Palo in there.

Welcome to funnybooks, Mr. Gischler. Any writer getting a comic published who isn't named Bendis, Johns, or Brubaker will get our attention, but it takes a decent story to keep our attention, and Little Black Book looks to be a sign of quality reading ahead.

Tuesday 10: Beloved Comics I Never Got Around To Reading

In no real order, other than maybe from least-to-most credibility-bruising...


10. Strangers in Paradise -
Since my wife never fell for the "they're not comics, they're graphic novels" load, I never had to bring home Terry Moore's heartfelt... whatever it is. I never even tried to read this on the sly in Barnes & Noble, and that's saying something since I did read 300 that way after the movie came out. I'd love it if I actually could read this series and in doing so erase the other "chicky" things I've seen and heard, like Pearl Harbor, Kate Hudson's entire career, and Rilo Kiley.

09. Spawn -
Sure, Strangers in Paradise and I don't travel in the same circles, but I am a little surprised that the flashy and (then) new-stylish Image flagship never made its way in to my bag at Sincere Comics back in the day. Image burst out nearly the same time I re-entered the buying market, but I guess my speculator gene is a recessive one, because my sole exposure to any of the Spawn mythos is the HBO series (which I did think was pretty kick-ass). The good news, I guess, is that the series is surprisingly still around, so there's still time. (Honorable Mention: most other Image titles, notably WildC.A.T.S. and Savage Dragon)

08. Grendel -
My skipping this title in the late 80's/early 90's is a little more puzzling, because everything I've heard/read about Matt Wagner's generation-spanning story makes me sure it was way better than Spawn.

07. The Walking Dead -
Zombies. Human survival instincts tested by danger and the dulling passage of time. Written by Robert Kirkman, who's other work I've enjoyed, including Marvel freaking Zombies. The only excuses I can offer as to why I've no clue about this ongoing series is that I didn't know who Kirkman was until his Invincible got rolling (which I did come across late, but not so late that I couldn't quickly catch up), and by the time I realized Walking Dead existed and that he wrote it, it was already three trades in. Sorry, Robert.

06. Grant Morrison's "Weird" DC Titles -
In the late 80's a friend of mine was briefly an overnight DJ at the local album-rock radio station. At a staff meeting, the station's music director asked the "talent" why they didn't have more Beatles in the rotation. My friend's brilliant (and totally honest) response was, "Because you don't have time to go poop while a two and half minute song is playing." That observation fit right in with my college-altered reading habits at the time, which were strictly cram-mode. This shift was mostly permanent--I still really can't sit at the kitchen table or on a toilet without something to read. My DJ friend's knock on the Beatles mirrors those habits, in that I would only tend to read something I could digest while, um, digesting and something I could just purge from my brain thereafter, like, um... you get it. What I didn't grab for kitchen table or bathroom reading was Doom Patrol or Animal Man. I blame higher education--not enough time in the day or room in the brain for that much in-depth reading. Maybe if DC was testing me on it every month I'd have devoured it.

05. Scott Pilgrim -
Time will tell if this newish fan/critic darling will move up or down any future version of this list. Sure, it's an interesting premise, combining post-adolescent romantic entanglements with the classic gauntlet style test of commitment, but the art, the musical ingredient, the fanbase... it all makes me feel too old to get into it. Probably unfair, but I doubt if the legions of fans, the producers of the probable film version, even creator Bryan Lee O'Malley are losing much sleep over my not getting into that series or wanting into their club.

04. Batman: Year One -
My partner-in-blog might actually be shocked at this entry but I can explain. Miller's fleshing out of the early days of the Dark Knight went totally under my radar in 1987, due more to the fact that I was just getting back into funnybooks and was doing more catching up than picking up current books. Had the online community existed back then, I might have a more immediate notification that something of unusually high quality was out there and been more inclined to pick up the regular ol' Batman title. Back then, DC and Marvel hadn't been all that adept at hyping their upcoming "regular" titles and storyarcs-as-events, unlike their effective promotion of "outside" projects like Dark Knight Returns and Secret Wars. To me, Year One was just four regular issues of Batman that came and went without being missed by me, featuring extra insight into the character that I wasn't craving. All that said, I don't know why I still haven't picked up any of the collected versions of this, while somehow holding onto to at least three issues of Secret Defenders.

03. Love & Rockets -
This may drop off the list soon, and not really because I've got so many friends screaming at me to pick the trades up (because I don't). L&R stayed off my shelves and out of my longboxes because I just didn't easily draw a parallel between the Big 2 and the Hernandez Brothers: they all have a fully functioning, living, breathing universe. A whole world to play in. The only difference in structure is that Marvel and DC don't just put out one comic featuring the length, width, and depth of that universe. Can you imagine Marvel only putting out one title, (call it "Marvel"), where you might only check in on the Fantastic Four every three months or so? I couldn't either, which is why I've never imagined picking up Love and Rockets. But again, things may change because, dammit, I'm a grown-up now. It's okay to have an appetite for something a little more sophisticated. Doesn't mean I have to stop asking my wife to dress up as Zatanna for my birthday.

02. Maus -
Hard to clarify why I've never checked this Pulitzer winning work. Maybe it doesn't feel like escapism to me. Maybe it's a youthfully harebrained knee-jerk reaction to being told a piece of art is "essential" or "required". The good news is, I don't think that way these days, and like Love and Rockets, I may finally be ready to enjoy the book of my own volition.

01. Most of the Works of Alan Moore -
Honestly, it's easier for me to list the Alan Moore I have read, than the works I haven't: Couldn't really get away with not reading Watchmen, loved his Superman tales "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow" and "For the Man Who Has Everything", Top Ten (as much for the Gene Ha goodness), and a couple of installments of his Captain Britain with Alan Davis, reprinted in some X-Men Classic comics I got for 20 cents each and promptly wallpapered my bathroom with. The only Moore-to-film comic I read was League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. From Hell, Swamp Thing, V for Vendetta, and most of his Miracleman/Marvelman have all escaped my notice unscathed. And to be honest, if those haven't aged any better than the Captain Britains on my wall, I don't know if I'll spend enough time in my bathroom to ever justify bringing them home.

Final Crisis... or something else altogether?

So I'm starting to formulate what I'm sure is an entirely off-base, probably nonsensical theory about Grant Morrison's Final Crisis. [1] This idea of mine comes both from some history of Morrison's and from, of all places, statements by trade dress designer Chip Kidd and artist Gene Ha, who doesn't even have anything to do with this book.

Let me 'splain.

I'll start with Ha's comments, which were made last September in passing as part of an explanation for the huge delays behind his and Morrison's run on The Authority:

"First off, I don't think The Authority #3 by Grant Morrison and Gene Ha is ever coming out. Grant is busy redesigning the DC Universe and I've moved onto new projects."

I think that's the first place I'd seen reference to that idea of Morrison "redesigning the DC Universe," or at least put quite in terms quite that specific. We knew even then that Final Crisis was going to be another epic multiverse-shaking story, but little was known about what sort of result the series was going to have. (Honestly, we still don't know that much about it; DC's been doing a damn good job of not letting that particular secret slip.)

So we know (or can at least theorize with some degree of certainty) that when Morrison's done, the DCU will have been changed in some way, likely with his particular brand of highly imaginative neo-retro fusion. (Really, if you were going to redesign or modernize/futurize a comics universe from the ground up, wouldn't Grant Morrison be on or close to the top of your list of creators you'd want involved?)

The second bits of info which got my neurons rubbing together to form this wild-ass theory came from Chip Kidd when discussing the distinctive, if thus-far uninspiring, FC trade dress:

NRAMA: So what went into the process for Final Crisis’ look?

CK: Well, to start with Final Crisis - the big thing that no one would be able to know yet, and I won’t get too specific here, but for the people that think it’s a generic look – wait. By the third issue, you’ll start to get it. Basically, the trade dress dissolves. So, it’s starting out as something now, and by the second issue, it will be slightly different, the third issue, even more different, and between the third and fourth issue, I hope people will get it, and understand what we were doing all along. It might not make people like it any better, but they’ll at least understand what I have in mind. It’s an evolving trade dress. ... There are people who are in the talkbacks saying that DC is just riffing off Civil War, but again – wait and see. By the fourth issue, you’ll realize that’s not what we’re doing. We’re doing something else.

So the trade dress is going to start to dissolve and turn into something else which will be apparent -- or at least the direction will -- by the third or fourth issue. This implies to me either the current dress and logo will "fall away" to reveal something new underneath, or will degrade and reform into something new over the last half of the series' seven issues.

I don't think what's revealed or regrown will be simply a reworked presentation of what came before. I think it will be something entirely new.

I think the title of this series is going to change halfway through, or perhaps begin to change only to be complete at the end of the series.

Title and trade dress are important to Morrison. When he took over X-Men in 2001, he changed the name of the book to New X-Men precisely because he'd designed a logo for it which could be rotated 180 degrees and read the same. He had Marvel redesign the trade dress for all of the X-Men books to make them more visually distinct from the rest of Marvel's line. I think to him these elements of comic books have more meaning than beyond the simple graphic appeal of them -- while I'm not willing to say for sure it ties into Morrison's interest in magic, it's possible that it does, but at the very least ties into his penchant for meta-story. The trade dress of many of his books say something about the books themselves.

So I'm looking at the words "Final Crisis." And I know that Morrison is building a new DCU. And I know the trade dress is going to change. And I know that there's a tremendous battle halfway through the series which, I speculate, is going to result in the deaths of most or all of the DC heroes. And I know that Morrison's using Jack Kirby's Fourth World creations extensively in this series.

And while I can't say for sure exactly what's going to happen...

...I want to note that it wouldn't take a lot of work visually for the word "Crisis" to evolve into the word "Genesis." (New Genesis, remember, is Kirby's "good twin" of Darkseid's evil planet Apokalips.)

When this series becomes Something Genesis by issue #7, launching the shiny new Morrison-ized DCU, I want you to remember where you heard it first.

[1] That's not to dismiss the work of artist JG Jones, by the way; it's just that this particular notion of mine lies along the story and meta axes, so it's much more in Morrison's court than Jones'.

Warren Ellis Wins. We Should All Just Quit: Freakangels

What have I been doing instead of maintaining this blog? Well, on Fridays I read Warren Ellis and Paul Duffield's ABSOLUTELY FREE and absolutely stunning Freakangels webcomic.6 pages a week. For free. And for their generosity, you should pay to get the inky, papery collection when it comes out.

Poke around, catch up--I think we're 15 installments in as of today. And join the messageboard, too; just remember to bring your brain, your sense of humor, and a good temperament.




What about the other six days a week you neglect me? the blog asked.

I have no good answer.

RAW

I'm through wasting my torturous self-editing on YOU^[1].

Presenting my unfiltered response to the New Avengers #35 "Bendis hates women/Bendis hates people/Bendis hates Tigra/I love Tigra/Bendis has the job I want/Fuck Bendis/Praise be to Bendis" hullabaloo.

It's dated, yeah. It's unreadable, also yeah.

Let's see who actually reads this crap. carry on...

misogyny... when you're a comic nerd, it's a nifty word to toss around if you have a girlfriend who thinks your fandom is geeky or juvenile or a gateway drug to weeklong cyberporn binges. Or if you're sitting at a cafe with a girl you wish was your girlfriend defending the "serious" comics that you read. When you're not a comic nerd, or even a comics reader in general, it's a nifty word to cast aspersions on those things that you don't consider "serious art", like SNOOTY AUTHOR, SNOOTY FILMMAKER, or Dane Cook.

Bendis doesn't have a misogynistic bone in his body, and I think his work to this point speaks to that (Alias, Spider-Woman, New Avengers to this point, and so on). Those panels were supposed to be unsettling. It was supposed to be a harrowing illustration of just how far apart the good guys and the bad guys still are, even in the post-Punisher/Wolverine/hardass anti-hero geekscape. Was he trying to express some sort of fetishist leanings or some psycho ill will towards the double-x chromosomed? Absolutely not, Jigsaw's camera work notwithstanding. Bendis is pushing some of fandom's buttons to be sure, just not the baser ones so many have cried out about. He's classically building his villains up for some ultra-satisfying retribution in the third act, that's all. Any third-rate Marvel baddie can try and rob a bank or kidnap a Senator or even make an idle threat against a hero and/or someone they care about, but the Hood's mission statement is putting him on a path that leads directly to some righteous, furious, and heroic smiting. And based on Bendis' demonstrated love for a heroine's vengeance, don't be surprised if it's Jessica Drew, Jessica Jones or even Echo delivering some hellacious payback in the months ahead.

Bendis interview w/ Newsarama re: NA #35 and its accompanying discussion.

Bendis' original script as submitted to artist Leinil Yu.

Millarworld forums' New Avengers thread at which point the discussion of the issue in question begins.


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[1]Not YOU, A.

My God, Has It Been That Long?

Just got done posting a quick comment on Warren Ellis' Fell on his newish message board (replacing the near-utopian-in-comic-related-boards Engine) and realized it would have been even better posted on my very own cybermegaphone. Enjoy, ye who've waited these months for new content.

I'm starting to appreciate the structure and presentation of Fell: The Series almost as much as I enjoy Fell: The Stories.

Like most good episodic television shows, it's not a stringent requirement to access prior installments to enjoy the current one. The disuse of modern-funnybookish "cliffhangers", "story-arcs", and "future story-arc teasers disguised as subplots" keeps the interval between issues from being a "wait" situation; Fell comes out when it comes out. Not that I wasn't delighted to see Fell on the shelves this week, but I didn't ever catch myself thinking, "Christ, it's been forever since #8 came out! I'm not gonna enjoy #9 as much, due to the waiting between issues."

True, there's probably (read: obviously) some backstory living in Mr. Ellis' notebooks and scribbled on liquor market receipts, but the stories that begin and end inside a single floppy alleviate that burning need to see that history explicitly portrayed for me. I know it's there, but Fell in its current state kind of forces the reader (this reader) to exist in Snowtown's Now. The possibility that we might never find out the whys and wherefores of Detective Fell's consignment to Snowtown, or that there actually won't be a detailed six-part miniseries titled "Fell: Owsley, What's The Deal With Your Leg?" never seems to dog my thoughts while I'm immersed in the latest update.

End of gushing rant.

My overview on Fell #9: Typical Fell, atypical comic: solid, satisfying, and yet another Comic to Wave At Sniffling "Real" Fiction Snobs.

Now, what stuck with me specifically about this issue?

"...rich like astronauts."

I am now off to start a band, write songs, and record an album, just to title said recording "Rich Like Astronauts".

And if you're reading this blog and not reading Fell, I don't really know what to do with you.

Oh No He Didn't.

Which one of Wally Wood's 22 Panels That Always Work would you say this is?



At least we can tell which one of Gerry Conway's Sound Effects That Are Always Hilarious is in play here.
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All-Star Comics #58, written by Gerry Conway, drawn by Ric Estrada and, yes, Wally Wood. (DC Comics 1976, reprinted in the Justice Society Vol. 1 trade paperback in 2006)

Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 9

Ironically, this punk is spared having to actually hear Nighthawk screaming, "Why do you scumbags always turn and run from Batman and not from me? Why, dammit?! WHY?!"

Ready your kitchen table, for Bahlactus is coming for your stuffing.

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Supreme Power #4, by J. Michael Straczynski, Gary Frank and Jon Sibal (Marvel Comics 2003)

Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 7

There are those who don't think highly of Sal Buscema's pencils or Klaus Janson's inks. I'm not one of them, especially when directed by Chris Claremont and Len Wein to illustrate this:

^{EDIT: Now with 2 different pictures!}





























Bahlactus is swingin' a much better ball and chain than you.


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From Defenders #19, by the aforementioned Claremont, Wein, Buscema, and Janson. And by the way, thank you to Chris Claremont, who taught me what "aforementioned" means. Even if that might be a word he just made up.

Friday Night Fights Round 6: Stop, Drop, and Sucka Punch!

Mindless thugs working for an invisible drug operation burn just like everyone else, apparently. But Oliver Queen didn't come for the barbeque--he came for the punch!











Bahlactus didn't come for the cooking either--he eats whole worlds raw.

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Green Arrow: Year One #6, by Andy Diggle and Jock (DC Comics 2007)

Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 5

During a single three-issue run of Avengers, Jim Shooter cut right to the chase and made Count Nefaria an outright ass-kicker.


Wonder Man? Take a seat.

Captain America? Meet Wonder Man. And give me your best extraneous outburst.

Thor? You got something to say here? Nefaria didn't think so.

Vision? You're apparently a one-trick pony.

Oh, wait a minute...













Must be the cape...






The Vision will do anything to catch the Fearsome Eye of Bahlactus.

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Avengers #164-166, by Jim Shooter, John Byrne, and Pablo Marcos (Marvel Comics 1977)

Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 4

In this corner, John Stone. He has the Devil's Paw.






And in this corner, our champion, Jakita Wagner. She is fond of hitting people in the brains until they stop fighting.



DING!




It's like Bahlactus always says, "Don't bring a Devil's Paw to a Bad-ass in Leather fight."


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Planetary 25, by Warren Ellis and John Cassaday (Wildstorm/DC 2006)

Comics Have Pictures?

Funny as it sounds, comics have rarely been about the pictures for me. Other than aiding and abetting my lazy imagination by filling a story's visual blanks^[1], I've never been much for labeling a comic's artwork as good, bad, or ugly (or even "artwork"). I haven't found a bad story made better with a pleasing artist, or a good story made worse with a less-than-pleasing one. I don't follow artists from project to project (George Perez being a notable exception) like I do with writers, nor do I reject a title out of hand just because it's being drawn by some technically iffy penciler.

So, peeking at Alex Ross' designs for the Next Captain America, I was surprised at how quickly and how negatively I responded.

Captain America, to my eyes, isn't shiny. Captain America, to my brain and my imagination, doesn't need a sidearm or a blade. So Alex Ross can kiss my Super Soldier^[2].

Ed Brubaker, you face your biggest challenge ever. To give us a story that makes Shiny Pistol Packin' Cap make sense.
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[1]This is a prime reason I didn't read a novel that wasn't assigned for a class until I was in my mid-30's. I've read about 10 since then.

[2]And this is the guy who has beef with Kevin Smith over Jack Kirby and his contributions to Marvel Comics? Kevin Smith didn't put Kirby in Mallrats because he was, as they say in the funnybooks, dead. Good thing, too, because I don't think his Captain America design was in need of an Alex Ross Correction.

Fanboy Lurve: Brian K. Vaughan

I'd like today to gush just a little, if you don't mind, about just how happy comics/TV scribe Brian K. Vaughan makes me. Or, rather, how happy Mr. Vaughan's writings make me; while I have no doubt that his personal happy-making skills are considerable, I've never met the guy, so we'll just stick with the stuff he's written for now.

I've never read any of BKV's output that I haven't at least liked, and most of it I've absolutely loved. As I told Timmy B. a few days ago, I'm pretty sure Vaughan could write a long-form comics series focusing on the trials and tribulations of a multi-generational clan of overly-flatulent mole rats and I'd dig the hell out of it. The man can almost do no wrong by me, and I say the "almost" only because there's always a possibility he could write something that just didn't hit me right. So far, though, that possibility remains theoretical.

I truly love the fact that if you boil most of Vaughan's works down to the one-sentence high-concept pitch, they don't necessarily sound like anything exceptional, and can even border on the trite — I love it because it's proof that execution trumps concept (at least in his case), and that's inspiring to me as a writer who doesn't feel like his ideas are anything exceptional. C'mon... Y: The Last Man isn't exactly the first "last man on Earth" story ever written, but what BKV has done with the story has been moving and compelling and exciting and generally most excellent. I'll happily leave the "mad ideas" to the likes of Grant Morrison and Warren Ellis, but I'll take Vaughan's work over theirs most any day. [1]

Some selected highlights from the Vaughan Oeuvre:

• Runaways. Six kids in L.A. discover that their parents are super-villains and, well, run away. Vaughan makes the personalities of each of these kids distinct and appealing in their own way (especially appealing: eleven-year-old mutant Molly). Sure, BKV frequently succumbs to Joss Whedon-esque Real Kids Don't Talk This Way syndrome (Vaughan actually turned the writing of this book over to Whedon after thirty issues), but hey, what the dialogue lacks in realism it more than makes up for in entertainment value.

• Y: The Last Man. As noted above, not the most original concept ever, but just a terrific batch of characters and situations. Y shows off one of the things Vaughan does best: thinking through the ramifications of his setup and of the actions of his characters. Almost every issue of Y features a moment of "Well, duh, of course that's what would happen if suddenly all the men were gone."

• Pride of Baghdad. A graphic novel based on the true story of four lions who escaped from the ruins of the Baghdad Zoo after the U.S.'s initial attacks on the city in 2003. Disturbing, sad, haunting... and I mean that as a compliment.

• Ex Machina. Not quite Runaways-good or Y-good, but still damn enjoyable. One-time superhero Mitchell Hundred uses the goodwill he generated after saving New York City to get himself elected mayor. Ex Machina boasts far more political intrigue than it does big superhero action (though it has a fair share of that, too). Vaughan tries hard to strike some balance and not let Hundred's liberal tendencies turn this into a left-wing diatribe; Hundred's idealistic liberalism gets regularly smashed by the realities of a less-than-ideal world. Also: the first issue of Ex Machina features one of the single most breathtaking final pages of any comic I've ever read.

• Doctor Strange: The Oath. I just read this one last week — thanks, Timmy B! I've never cared all that much for Doctor Strange; I didn't hate him, but neither the character nor the mystical corner of the Marvel Universe he inhabits eever interested me much. Vaughan, however, wrote a Doc Strange I'd be happy to read more about: arrogant without being assholish, fiercely loyal to his friends, charismatic, possessed of a biting sense of humor and immensely powerful.

Vaughan's been scaling back on his comics work over the last year or so as he's now a story editor for Lost, which makes me want to watch that show again (as does the presence of Buffy vet Drew Goddard on the writing staff). But as good as Vaughan would be at the TV game if he gets pulled farther in that direction — his episodic storytelling skills seem profoundly influenced by television — I hope he keeps several toes in the comics pool, as I'd truly miss reading his words.

(Cross-posted in a slightly altered form at Allen's site.)

---

[1] Not knocking either Morrison or Ellis, both of whom consistently pump out entertaining and thought-provoking works of high quality; BKV's just more to my taste.

Tuesday 10: Bad Nineties Costume Redesigns

I'm sure by now you've seen the sure-to-be-temporary Alex Ross redesign of Captain America debuting in January. It's not a bad design, I think, if a bit overdone with Ross' fondness for metallic materials; I actually like the callback to Cap's original shield in the design of the chestpiece. And if, as speculated, it's Bucky/the Winter Solider underneath the mask, then all of the black and the gun and the knife make sense for the character. So I'm cool with it, especially since we all know it's just a placeholder until Steve Rogers somehow, some way comes back from the dead (later in 2008, I'm guessing).

But looking at the new costume brought me back to the Nubile Nineties, when pretty much every one of the major superhero icons got spruced up in horrendous new duds at some point (and pretty much every one of them reverted back to their classic look soon after). The list which follows isn't anywhere near complete, but it does touch on some of the high points — or low points, if you'd rather — of mid-90's superhero couture. (As always, make sure to stop by Project: Rooftop for some far, far better attempts at updating the iconic looks!)

Armor-Plated Captain America — The last time Cap got a serious costume update, it wasn't by someone with the design sense of Alex Ross. In fact, I'm not sure it was someone with the design sense of my five-year-old. Here's the deal: Steve Rogers' body begins to break down because, I don't know, he's old or something. (Who paid attention to the details of any Marvel comic in the mid-90's, really?) Anyway, Steve-O's forced into wearing a star-spangled exoskeleton (read: armor) to keep his body from falling apart on him. (Ah, the 90's! Just look at all that needless over-rendering! Good times.) Obviously at some point he got himself fixed up so that he could go back to his regular duds, but I couldn't tell you how. And even if I could tell you, I honestly don't think I'd care to.

Armor-Plated Batman — Surely you know the basics of the near-interminable Knightfall story which overran the Batman titles in the early part of the 90s by now: 'roid-rager Bane snaps Batman's back; a crippled Bruce Wayne handles the mantle of the Bat to serious nutjob Azrael, who adopts a ludicrously over-the-top armored costume for his time as Batman. While the look of the costume certainly matched the mental state and background of the character wearing it, the design itself was terrible and nearly impossible to draw in any way that didn't look ridiculous, as you can see right over there on the laughable cover of Detective Comics #567 (drawn by Kelley "all humans have 300 ribs, right?" Jones).

Armor-Plated Daredevil — Why did Daredevil ditch his normal red togs for black-and-red armor? Because the 90s, that's why. (OK, it's because his secret identity became public knowledge and he, I dunno, thought that changing his costume would give the media something new to talk about during their next news cycle so they'd leave him the hell alone. How many times can this guy have his ID outed and deny it before the public stops believing him? Lindsay Lohan's "rehab was so good for me, I'm never ever going to party anymore!" claims have more credibility at this point.)

Armor-Plated Booster Gold — Are you starting to sense a theme here? Booster, much like Captain America, needed his armor to say alive after getting an arm hacked off and other internal injuries. Luckily, Booster's best friend was a super-genius and could cobble up some life-support armor for him that just happened to match the color scheme of his costume! (Yes, this was the start of the "darkening" of the Giffen-DeMatties Justice League that Dan DiDio has had such fun with over the last few years.)

(A quick note: While researching these god-awful monstrosities, I discovered that Dave Campbell had much these same thoughts two years ago; please go read his blog for more armored shenanigans, including a couple of heave-worthy costumes I didn't even mention here.)

Bug-Girl Wasp — As part of the Avengers aptly-named mega-crossover "The Crossing," most of the team got spiffy new designs courtesy of then-series artist Mike Deodato. Some of the uniforms were fairly decent (like the Scarlet Witch's), some were just a little different (like Hawkeye's or Thor's) and some were... well, they turned the Wasp into a big orange-and-pink bug. [1] The design of Bug-Jan wasn't particularly appealing, and the treatment of the character seemed even less so. Luckily, something positive came out of the Heroes Reborn/Heroes Return hooey which followed shortly after: this move was wiped off the books.

Electro Superman — Honestly, I don't think I'd hate this costume or this power set... if it weren't supposed to be Superman. I mean, c'mon, DC. Changing Superman so completely (and yes, they tried to pull the "No, this is permanent, we swear!" routine) was done just to get the media to look their way for a few moments. Was it worth it, DC? Was it worth absolutely bastardizing your number-one asset, just to get some play on CNN? *sigh* This is why nobody likes you, y'know. Everyone's all cool to you to your face, but behind your back, they're all "That sumbitch DC don't got no respect, it's all 'Hey, look at us break Batman's back!' or 'Hey, look, Superman done stuck his finger in a light socket, ooooh!'"

*ahem* Sorry. Moving on...

Noseless Wolverine — Does this count as a redesign, when it was really more of an obviously temporary state for the character? Well, I'm going to say yes, because if I don't, then I can't include this atrocity here. So something happened to Logan which regressed him to an even more animalistic state than normal (yes, again, I'm a bit fuzzy on the details), and apparently "more animalistic" when applied to Wolverines means "big fangs, poor posture and no nose." Yet for all of the oddness to his appearance, the loss of his ability to speak in more than grunt, the dragging his knuckles along the ground... Logan still felt the need to tie a flap of cloth with eyeholes in it around his head to wear as a "mask." Erm... wha huh?

Bike Shorts Wonder Woman — Don't get me wrong here: I actually love me some bike shorts. But that doesn't really say "Wonder Woman" to me, y'know? Neither does all the black. Also, another clue that we're in the 90s: the jacket. Not an absolute travesty as compared to some of the other designs on this list, but if it weren't for the "WW" motif, this design wouldn't even be recognizable as Wonder Woman. (This design also qualifies as part of the "Temporarily Replacing An Icon With An Unworthy Stand-In" trend, which hit most every major hero at some point during the decade, but that's for some later post. This one's long enough already.)

Torn Hoodie Spider-Man — Oh, look, another installment of "Temporarily Replacing An Icon With An Unworthy Stand-In," though I guess Spider-Man's clone would theoretically be just as worthy as he, right? Anyway, once Ben Reilly, the aforementioned clone of Spidey, decided to take on his own Spideriffic identity, he threw together a red bodysuit and a ratty blue spider-emblazoned sweatshirt which would do Bill Belichick proud. And thus was born: the embarrassingly-named Scarlet Spider! This one counts as a redesign to me as since Ben even took over the lead role in the main Spider-Man books for a little while. This costume? Uuuugly, especially in comparison to the other new Spidey costume we got for awhile in the 90's (the one now worn by Spider-Girl, Spider-Man's alternate-timeline future daughter. Clones taking over for the characters from which they were cloned? Potential-future offspring from alternate realties? Who says comics are hard to penetrate for new readers!)

Skinhead Hulk — Not technically a costume redesign, true, but the hairless Hulk just never looked right to me. He looked more ridiculous than scary, even under the pencils of John Romita, Jr. During the early part of writer Bruce Jones' run on The Incredible Hulk, Bruce Banner buzzed his dome in an attempt to hide from... well, everybody, since it seems that Banner-as-Hulk had done Something Bad. While we spent a lot of time with Baldie Bruce, we didn't actually see a full shot of the Hulk for several issues as Jones built the Hulk up using the "what you don't see is scarier" technique. And then, once we got a good look at Romita's Hulk... I snickered when I should've been shuddering.

---

[1] While not strictly a "redesign" as much as a "reconceptualization," this event was also responsible for another of the biggest character goofups of the decade: the death of Tony Stark, who was immediately replaced by his teenage self, a character fandom snarkily referred to as "Iron Boy." Ah, the 90s! Good times. Thankfully, Adult Tony was reinstated at the same time Non-Bug-Jan was.

Friday Night Fights Round 3: Boo Hoo!

Batman doesn't hate you, Weeper. He just needs quiet to get the work done.

Bahlactus has no time for tears, either.


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JLA (1st Series) #136, by E. Nelson Bridwell, Marty Pasko, Dick Dillin and Frank McLaughlin (DC Comics 1976). Reprinted in Crisis On Multiple Earths, Volume 4.

Warren Ellis Wins. We Should All Just Quit: Nextwave #12

2nd in a series:

Here's a panel from Nextwave #12, in which we meet Baby M.O.D.O.K. (M.O.T.O.T.?). Monica Rambeau's a little skeptical of the deadly nippper's lineage, but gets the birds, bees, flowers, trees, microchips and motherboards talk she's been begging for since she dropped the "Photon" moniker...



I tried to tell M.O.D.O.K to wrap his shit up tight, but he just wouldn't listen. Now he's on the hook for the next eighteen years.

_______________________________
Nextwave #12, by Warren Ellis, Stuart Immonen, and Wade Von Grawbadger (Marvel Comics 2007)

Tuesday 10: Cities in Comics

10. North Salem (Westchester County), NY: Here in Pensacola, we have the Pensacola Christian College compound, unnerving and vaguely menacing in size and scope, expanding and renovating every single day. But, I'd absolutely change my views on PCC's tax-exempt status if it were actually a front for a school for mutants to hone their skills and channel their power for good. I bet it's just the opposite for the neighbors of the Xavier Institute.

9. Keystone City: Home turf for Flashes Jay Garrick and Wally West, Keystone was planted on the same Earth as Barry Allen's Central City post-Crisis. Wonder if this will be important in Final Crisis.

8. Star City:
Elected a bleeding heart liberal/reformed capitalist as mayor, despite his uncanny resemblance to Green Arrow.

7.Coast City:
Took center stage as its destruction became the inciting incident for a dozen years of screeching fanboy outrage. And now it's back and more ghostly than ever.





6.Riverdale: Don't let his pratfalls fool you. Don't judge him by the wacky predicaments he finds himself in. Archie Andrews rules Riverdale with an iron fist (and a letterman's sweater). Betty and Veronica are smitten with him only because their familes are desperate to avoid his wrath.





5.Snowtown:
Not that Warren Ellis' Fell has any shortage of flesh and blood oddballs, but he manages to give Richard Fell's purgatory it's own unsettling little tics, too.





4.Astro City: While Fell above uses its locale as a external force acting on its hero, Kurt Busiek's Astro City does the opposite. The people, the streets, the landmarks... they're all Astro City, and Busiek's mission is to show you how the hero affects the city.




2(tie). Metropolis & Gotham City: Other than Keystone City and maybe Snowtown (we'll see), no cities are their defenders more than these 2 Big-Bang era settlements. While I'm sure wikipedia and several DC Guides will attempt to set me straight, I've always envisioned Metropolis and Gotham to be in the same city, just different neighborhoods. Metropolis, gleaming and advanced and full of optimism, just at the top of the hill; Gotham, tightly packed at the bottom, and not full of hope and moving forward, but slowly.

So what tops the City of Steel and the Dark Knight's domain? A little baby, in comparison...




1.Opal City: If you haven't yet, go read as much of James Robinson's Starman as you can get your hands on. You almost forget you're reading a traditional (not to mention fictional) superhero comic, with nearly every page soaked with the history of one of the DCU's oldest cities. Starman's finale, where the city itself is the target of a brutal and vengeful attack, is everything comics used to aspire to but by and large don't anymore.