Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 9

Ironically, this punk is spared having to actually hear Nighthawk screaming, "Why do you scumbags always turn and run from Batman and not from me? Why, dammit?! WHY?!"

Ready your kitchen table, for Bahlactus is coming for your stuffing.

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Supreme Power #4, by J. Michael Straczynski, Gary Frank and Jon Sibal (Marvel Comics 2003)

Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 7

There are those who don't think highly of Sal Buscema's pencils or Klaus Janson's inks. I'm not one of them, especially when directed by Chris Claremont and Len Wein to illustrate this:

^{EDIT: Now with 2 different pictures!}





























Bahlactus is swingin' a much better ball and chain than you.


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From Defenders #19, by the aforementioned Claremont, Wein, Buscema, and Janson. And by the way, thank you to Chris Claremont, who taught me what "aforementioned" means. Even if that might be a word he just made up.

Friday Night Fights Round 6: Stop, Drop, and Sucka Punch!

Mindless thugs working for an invisible drug operation burn just like everyone else, apparently. But Oliver Queen didn't come for the barbeque--he came for the punch!











Bahlactus didn't come for the cooking either--he eats whole worlds raw.

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Green Arrow: Year One #6, by Andy Diggle and Jock (DC Comics 2007)

Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 5

During a single three-issue run of Avengers, Jim Shooter cut right to the chase and made Count Nefaria an outright ass-kicker.


Wonder Man? Take a seat.

Captain America? Meet Wonder Man. And give me your best extraneous outburst.

Thor? You got something to say here? Nefaria didn't think so.

Vision? You're apparently a one-trick pony.

Oh, wait a minute...













Must be the cape...






The Vision will do anything to catch the Fearsome Eye of Bahlactus.

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Avengers #164-166, by Jim Shooter, John Byrne, and Pablo Marcos (Marvel Comics 1977)

Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 4

In this corner, John Stone. He has the Devil's Paw.






And in this corner, our champion, Jakita Wagner. She is fond of hitting people in the brains until they stop fighting.



DING!




It's like Bahlactus always says, "Don't bring a Devil's Paw to a Bad-ass in Leather fight."


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Planetary 25, by Warren Ellis and John Cassaday (Wildstorm/DC 2006)

Friday Night Fights Round 3: Boo Hoo!

Batman doesn't hate you, Weeper. He just needs quiet to get the work done.

Bahlactus has no time for tears, either.


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JLA (1st Series) #136, by E. Nelson Bridwell, Marty Pasko, Dick Dillin and Frank McLaughlin (DC Comics 1976). Reprinted in Crisis On Multiple Earths, Volume 4.

Friday Night Fights: Sucka Punch! Round 2

Who wants to see Batman stuck in the 31st Century, fighting Karate Kid in mid-air under zero gravity, drawn by George Perez?

Um... me? And you? And everyone else with a soul?



Bahlactus could take both these clowns with gravity tied behind his back.

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From Brave and the Bold (current series) #5, by Mark Waid, George Perez, and Bob Wiacek (DC Comics, 2007).

Friday Night Fights - Sucka Punch! Round One! FOOM!

First off, if you're one of the dozens who kept tabs on our ramblings, even after we began our experimental "silent, invisible, and untitled" phase, thanks for sticking around. More traditional posts to follow from here on out.

Second...

SUCKA PUNCH!





Like Luke Cage, Bahlactus is an equal opportunity destroyer.

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From New Avengers #27, by Brian Michael Bendis and Leinil Yu, Marvel Comics (2007).

Friday Night Fights Round 12: The Championship Rounds!

Norman, you had it coming. After all, Mr. Cage did ask you nicely...


...and this is what he got for his trouble:




Need some unbreakable pants, Luke Cage? Let Bahlactus know. I bet his heralds get whatever they need.

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^{From The Pulse #5, by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark Bagley, and Scott Hanna (Marvel Comics, 2004)}

Friday Night Fights Round 10: Come Out Fighting At the Sound of The Bell

Ding!
The Vision wastes no time, does he? Before his fellow Avengers even get into their heroic cover poses, Vision's already knocked one of Skrully's speakers out of his helmet.

Joe Quesada, feel free to bust out a cover just like this one during next year's Who Do You Trust? event.

And who do we trust? Bahlactus, shapeshifter-free since the Big Bang.

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^{From Avengers #96, by Roy Thomas, Neal Adams, Tom Palmer, and Alan Weiss (Marvel Comics, 1972)}

Friday Night Fights Round 9: Smackdown!

No?

Guess that was the only word the Sphinx had left in his mouth--Big G smacked out the rest.

Galactus for Bahlactus.

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^{Fantastic Four #213, by Marv Wolfman, John Byrne and Joe Sinnott (Marvel Comics 1979)}

Friday Night Fights Round 8: Watch That Mouth!

Uh, oh... What's this dumb-ass thinking?



The Purple Man will now discover three things:

1. Whores get paid; they do not provide a free service. He has whores confused with sluts, or tramps.

2. Right now, he's the whore.

3. Jessica Jones only has her car keys and a large dose of PAIN in her pocket.


Captain America says "Wow." Bahlactus says, "Keep the change."

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^{Alias #28 by Brian Michael Bendis and Michael Gaydos, Marvel Comics (2003)}

Friday Night Fights: Election Update!

Remember when Superman/Batman was fun? Remember when it was The Book To Get for Superman or Batman?

Yeah, I didn't either until I decided to do a Random Friday Night Fight and blindly unearthed Superman/Batman #6.

Superman gives (soon to be ex-) President Luthor a quick civics lesson: that there's a fourth branch of government. The Kryptonian Knuckle Sandwich Branch.


The Last Son of Krypton didn't vote for you, Lexy, and he doesn't give a damn about your hanging Chads.


Class dismissed! Don't forget to study up on Bahlactus for Monday...

^{Superman/Batman #6 by Jeph "The Executive" Loeb, Ed "The Legislative" McGuiness, and Dexter "The Judicious One" Vines (2004).}

Friday Night Fights: Take It Outside, But Be Nice.

Before Civil War, there was Avengers (vol. 1) #168...

Listen to Iron Man, Cap! He's all about "personal privacy" and secret identities!

And that's just the page 7 undercard. Much like Road House, that early action is just the shrimp cocktail in a Five Course Dinner of Beatdown. I won't bore you with the blah blah blahs leading up to Starhawk confronting Michael the Enemy at his house, except to interject that Starhawk comes dressed to rumble and Michael never gets out of his tennis instructor gear.



See? Just like Road House! Starhawk/Swayze's going to take this fight "outside" while never leaving the den:

Unfortunately, carrying your wife around in your subconscious is just asking for a punch in the teeth, and sure enough...



Then it's all over but the finishing move (or in this case, the obliteration/conversion/shredding move):



But then, with a twist Dalton couldn't pull on Jimmy's torn larynx, Evil Tennis Pro makes Starhawk all better.



Be nice, indeed. Next time, Starhawk, leave your missus at home. Bahlactus doesn't dole out the do-overs.


^{Avengers #168, by Jim Shooter, George Perez and Pablo Marcos, 1977.}