Friday, June 22, 2007

New Comics Reviews for 6/20/07 with Special Guest Reviewer: The Late Bart Allen

Co-Book of the Week: Flash #13
Now that I'm free from the time-wasting chore of y'know, being alive, I can finally catch up on my blogging. I've got a few things to say, starting with this week's Flash.

To the Justice League, the Justice Society, the Teen Titans, the Outsiders, Checkmate, and (coming soon) Infinity Inc.:
Thanks for the invites! And more importantly, thanks for all that help back there in L.A. where I was making my final stand against EVERY SINGLE FREAKING ONE OF MY ROGUES while simultaneously trying to keep the city from exploding. Oh yeah, and WITHOUT MY POWERS.

To my Granny Iris and to Valerie:
Of all the times to listen to me, you pick now? You didn't think to call anyone before I was kicked to death, but afterwards, you were more effective at spreading the word than I assumed some of that "Fastest Man Alive" juice would've rubbed off on you two.

To whoever picked up the phone at JLA headquarters:
Now I get it! Ha ha ha! "Sorry, only the Flash could get to you in time. If only we had a Flash on the team..." Hilarious! Kiss my now-burned, frozen, and electrocuted ASS!

To writer Mark Guggenheim and artist Tony Daniel:
Nice job overall, but could you have presented the events leading up to my death a little more clearly? It's going to be awfully hard for my friends to exact vengeance (and while there was apparently no time to save me, there's always time for vengeance) if we can't decipher who did what to whom.

To DC Executive Editor Dan DiDio:
You've finally painted yourself into a corner. You spent all this energy and soaked up a year's worth of negative response and kept my book around, only to "Black Flash" me anyway. Good luck finding the next Flash, smart guy...

Co-Book of the Week: JLA #10 -

...God damn it.

Just in time to not save me, Wally's back. Maybe if the Legion of Super-Heroes hadn't spent so much time keeping their plans secret for no good reason, they could've brought him back a little quicker and I'd at least still be alive. Mark Waid would never have gone for this kind of shabby treatment of any Flash. If he was writing the book, I'd be back as the Fastest Man Alive any month now...

DC News of the Week: Mark Waid Returns to Flash; Wally West on Cover of First Story -

...God damn it.

To hell with this, what's Marvel doing these days? Their resident speedster's off his rocker again, maybe they could fit me in as a temp. Ex-freakin'-celsior!

Editor's note - Bart would later apologize for his bitterness; he has since come to grips with his untimely demise and is comforted by the fact that any comics writer of any skill level could return him to comics in about three panels.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Not only would I bring him back, I'd bring him back as Impulse.

Because then Bart can make fun of Robin and Wonder Girl for being angsty.